Things that I must do tomorrow:

-finish the disgusting dishes in the kitchen, then clean the counters and floors
-tidy room
-download lectures that i've missed
-spend all day drawing margaret atwood then paint final picture
-medicate self into a coma to not have to deal with my period

Ugh and I also forgot that I better start my oil painting prontoooo. I don't even own oil paints, it seems stupid to go out and buy a whole set only to use it once. erg. I just feel really crappy. I suppose there may be a few underlining reasons but most of it is period anxiety, which is the bane of my existance.

I've also been feeling guilty lately. Guilty mainly today because I've been sitting in my bed all day doing nothing. Not a thing. I need a job. I could have done homework. I could have gotten outside and done stuff but nope, I sat all day. It's starting to eat at me. I feel like I'm just wasting not only my time but maybe everyone elses time too.

this is just the anxiety speaking. I feel like I need to talking to Maria. I missed having internet friends. You can share all of your problems or thoughts and they have no connections to any parties, they are just a very secure place to unload.

Other than all that nonsense I've had a pretty swell week.

one more list of sorts. I don't know if I've updated you (journal) but I've been turning over a new leaf. My room has been clean for weeks now and will remain that way. Here are some other things that must change.

-GET A JOB!
-either do the dishes after everytime I have a meal OR scheduled wed and sat dish cleaning nights
-start doing homework as soon as I recieve it
-start getting in shape, somehow!
-get outside everyday for at least an hour
-draw everyday
-start cooking own meals
-learn guitar

tadaaa!

I've come to the conclusion that this song is my favourite song. ever. When I saw her perform it live my heart soared. Kaki King is love.

If I were a month, I'd be October.
If I were a day of the week, I'd be thursday.
If I were a time of day, I’d be 6:30am.
If I were a planet, I'd be one that you've never heard of before.
If I were a sea animal, I’d be a sealion.
If I were a direction, I’d be north.
If I were a piece of furniture, I’d be a super comfy sofa that you'd sit on and never get up.
If I were a historical figure, I’d be a t rex.
If I were a liquid, I’d be sprite.
If I were a gemstone, I’d be ruby.
If I were a tree, I’d be a bonsai.
If I were a tool, I’d be a bottle opener.
If I were a flower, I’d be a dandelion.
If I were a kind of weather, I’d be a cloudy forbidding day with light snow.
If I were a musical instrument, I’d be a harp.
If I were a color, I’d be slate grey.
If I were an emotion, I’d be doubt.
If I were a fruit, I’d be a pear .
If I were a sound, I’d be the wind outside your window.
If I were an element, I’d be earth.
If I were a car, I’d be a smartcar.
If I were a food, I’d be a tomato.
If I were a place, I’d be your cottage.
If I were a material, I’d be flannel.
If I were a taste, I’d be cheesecake.
If I were a scent, I’d be autumn.
If I were an object, I’d be your bra.
If I were a body part, I’d be your hands.
If I were a facial expression, I’d be eyes squinted in suspicion.
If I were a song, I’d be "Doing the Wrong Thing - Kaki King"
If I were a pair of shoes, I’d be worn out hiking boots.

In other news it is my 20th birthday. Can you believe that? I think I've come a long way and i'm very happy with who I am today. How many 20 year olds can say that? Ok so probably a lot but I'm one of them and that's pretty neat.

in other other news. I am procrastinating because my project looks like shit and it's a bit discouraging. I wanted to get this all done yesterday. ohhhh hargle bargle. I'm going to keep trucking and finish this bastard!

Then I will reward myself with chicken rice and cherry tomatos. Holy hell, I have cherry tomatos in my fridge. akdlsjaldks, motivation 1 2 3 GO!

I still feel sort of stupid. Here is a story.

So I get to class a little bit late the other day and grab a seat beside Andrea, Myra and Marta. we listen to our teacher describe our next project and such! When she begins the one on one critiques we all start chatting. I tell Marta that I can grab the 40 dollars when I go down to the foodcourt to grab a bite. She asks if I want the ticket now? I squeel and say indeed I do! So she hands me the ticket and I lovingly caress it before placing it in my bag. Fast forward. Awhile later I decide to grab some food so I leave my bag in class with Myra and Andrea and I go to grab some stuff then come back. The class runs super late I was there for almost 5 hours, I buy Jessica a hat with a pigeon on it because it was so perfect I just couldn't resist. I get home, take a shower, get dressed, run around getting ready then think to myself I should grab my ticket!

I look in my bag and can't seem to find it. So I empty all of the contents out onto my bed and it's not there! I'm sort of getting a little upset by this point, I had three sketchbooks in my bag so I go through every page in each one thinking the ticket could be in there, no such luck. By the time Jess and her girlfriend came over I was in tears and self loathing, calling myself stupid over and over. Jess admitted I was the only person this would happen to but tried to comfort me. She was super kind and we bought an 80 dollar ticket, she payed for half. The concert was AMAZING, they were SO fantastic live and they sang all of the songs I really wanted to hear. I called Nikki a bunch of times so she could listen in, and I called Kate when they played living room. I've never seen so many lesbians in one place. Goshhh it was just so great. But I totally forgot about Kayla, I felt like a douche but I'll be in London soon to give her thirty bucks and hang out!

If I find my ticket around my house I think I'd lose my mind. My head is pounding (headache) and I need to start my project. I have to illustrate 6 things that I love. I would love for my headache to go away, how can I illustrate it? haha. Anyways BYE. Maybe I have a headache from getting hit in the face so many times today. Jessica choked me in her sleep and elbowed my boob. Then this morning I poked her bruise really hard and got kicked in the face, then later she was brushing her hair and smacked me with the brush on the bridge of my nose. ; - ; I'm being abused. haaaaalp.

You can't say, don't ever say it
It's not tangible, it's not even relevant
A warm hand, a short skirt
A soft blanket, a trusty appliance
A fifty-seven in mathematics and science
An oxygen mask
They stick it and they never come back
Never come back anymore

Are you with me
Or am I wrong?
The silly old songs
Do they mean anything or am I just wrong
Am I just wrong
Am I just wrong
How did I ever get so god damn dumb
A foreign lick from a familiar tongue
It's not one you love, but it's familiar enough
Mouthful of teeth chewed up and spit on the ground
When I speak, I'm all words, just wide naked sound
Carelessly rendered and scattered around

--------------------------------------------------------------------

I am just in love with the imagery in this song. I want to draw out the lyrics. Time to sleep so I can start feeling better. The End.

What a great night last night. What a great day today.

Look at me being all happy.

:D

I feel so at home here.

<3

Video games are very therapeutic.

Sooooo when I get a job (I WILL) should I save up for a wii or a playstation 3? I may be leaning towards ps3 but who knows.

is a poop. how rude. she should love me no matter how bad I smell. also she is not participating in my attempts to hypnotise her, she won't even give me a kiss onthe cheek even though I hynotised her too. Clearly she is not intelligent and doesn't take me as seriously as she should. She's reading upsdie down trying to see what I'm sayingbut sh6yet jusy3ter4etyuu8 ugytrave uep anudyhhg now she's being a bitch by pushing a brush into the keyboard. fuck you skank slut whore. GIVE ME A KISS. I'M TOUCHING MY FOREHEAD!!!!!!!!(insert nikki typing upside down right now)1HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. NO. WOW NO. ILY BB.(end of the insert).

My dad hasn't called me yet. I cannot stop speaking like a hypnotist, but then I burst out laughing because I can't even take myself seriously.

One day I will trick Nikki into being hypnotised. She's on the sofa staring at my lovingly, now her eyes have closed as she arranges herself getting comfortable. ...now she has turned her back to me which is quite rude. I am going to go be her human blanket again and then she cannot ignore my love.